Heart Goes Fonder Poem by Bamidele Adeniyi

Heart Goes Fonder



While you sleep
miles away from me
your thoughts consume me
like the sun
borrows radiance from
your face
Wonder if the world
is under one sky
that lits up with moonlight

Shall I make the moon you stare a surface
where I pour my emotions
or shall I make it
a mirror to see your wonderful reflections?
I am miles away
lingering in your perfume
heaving a deep sigh
breathing with no sleep
for your absence melts the wax of my heart

Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Topic(s) of this poem: loneliness
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Jefferson Carter 21 June 2017

Bamidele, the ESL(?) errors (you stare a surface? that lits up?) hurt this poem. A bigger problem is those abstract words (thoughts, emotions) that tell the reader what you're feeling but don't invite him in. Maybe immerse yourself in some good contemporary poetry in English (Mary Oliver, Billy Collins) before you continue writing? If you have time, check out my new website: jeffersoncarterverse.com Tell me how you like it. Yrs, JC

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Bamidele Adeniyi 22 June 2017

Thank you Jefferson. I shall look into your corrections

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Jazib Kamalvi 21 June 2017

A lovely start indeed. Thanks....

2 0 Reply
Bamidele Adeniyi 22 June 2017

Thank you jazib

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