Hinkum-Clinkum (30 Scots Poems) Poem by Sheena Blackhall

1.The Wee Cauliflooer

I wish I wis a cauliflooer
I wadna wash my lugs
I'd be as lazy as I liked
An blether wi the bugs


2My Wee Sister

I hae a wee sister, she burst ma fitba
I wish the tooth fairy wid takk her awa
She burst ma fitba an she blamed it on me
I wish that a monster wad hae her fur tea


3.Mair Greens Please

Please gie us greens for denner
We think that greens are braw
Wi salad for oor brakkfaist
An celery tae chaw

Let us hae sproots an parsley
Kail, piz an rinner beans
An dinna skimp on lettuce
Us rubbits luv oor greens


4.Flapper the Whale

Fin Flapper the whale sets aff for school
He wallops his tail an blaws his tap
He staps his bag wi crisps an juice
An aff he sweems wi a flappety flap


5.Far's Da

I like tae watch the boaties
An play alang the shore
I like tae look fur partens
An watch the seagulls soar

I like tae bigg sancastles
I'm a cheery kinna lad
I've jist a teenie problem
Far did I beery dad?


6.Spottit Dick

The measles cam tae veesit
Dick's happit heid tae tail
There's five on his bihoochie
Nae winner he looks pale

He looks jist like a cheetah
His skin is fu o spots
Bit fin he's really scunnerd
He jist jyns up the dots


7.Waiter

Fower burgers, fower coffees
Some sauce ye can squeeze
Here comes the waiter
Gies some chips please!

An while yer aboot it
A dollop o mustard
Fower ice creams in cones
An a platie o custard


8.The Register

Far's Maisie Finlay?
Aff wi a hoast
Far's Sunita Ranjeev?
Chokit on her toast
Far's Nimi Munzah?
His face is fu o plooks
Far's Abdul Sharnam?
Paiddlin wi the dyeuks


9.Billy the Scunner

Billy's a scunner, he spits an he rages
I've seen nicer tigers in zoos an in cages
He farts an he rifts, he'll nae dae fit he's telt
Bit ye'll hae tae excuse him, for Billy's a shelt


10.Grunny's Pet

I'm gaun tae ma grunny the morn
She'll caa me her favourite quine
I'll hae sweeties faniver I wint them
Wi jeely an aathin that's fine

Bit I'll jist bide a day an a denner
I'd niver laist oot fur a wikk
Atween jeelies an cookies an puddens
Bi the time I ging hame I'll be seek


11. Ma Brither

Ma brither pits wirms in ma bath tub
Ma brither pits slugs doon ma back
Ae day tae the recyclin centre
Ma brither I'd willinly takk

An maybe instead o a brither
They'd recycle him as a bike
I'd dae wheelies on him in the gairden
Noo thon is a brither I'd like!


12.Baby Blues

I dinna wint a baby.
I'd raither hae a ba
A tortoise or a ubbit.
Dinna hae a baby ma

Hae a budgie or a goldfish
Baby's makk an affa noise
Willy Duthie's got a baby
An it pinches aa his toys


13. Neebors

The fowk next door keep dugs that gurr
A spittin cat wi taiglit fur
An auld wrecked car in the backie there
An a muckle bogle aneth the stair


14. Mister Minger

Mister Minger's got leathery skin
A baldie heid an a stibbly chin
He etts fajitas an chaws the plate
An I think Mister Minger's great


15. Mr Ted

Fin I pit on my jammies
An climm the stairs tae bed,
I ken that he’ll be wytin,
My frien caad Mr Ted.

An fin I coorie doon tae sleep
I haud him in my bosie….
He’s made o fur
He disna gurr
He’s affa, affa cosie!


16. Doctor

Sen fur the doctor
My kyte's churnin
Sen fur the doctor
My chikk's burnin
I will takk a mixture
Or a great big peel
Sen fur the doctor
Cause I'm nae weel!

His stethoscope is wummly
As a big black eel
Bit sen fur the doctor
Cause I'm nae weel!


17. Dentist

Dentist, dentist,
My tooth's sweet
Will I need a fillin
Fin I'm sittin in yer seat?
If I pass yer check up
I promise that I'll eat
An aipple or a tangie
Fur a treat, treat, treat.

I'll clean ma teeth each evenin
Finiver darkness comes
Tae stop the germs wi clarty buits
Fae dauncin on ma gums!


18. Hoolet

Hoolet bides in an auld aik tree,
Aathin that moves can hoolet see,
His een are sherp an his neb can catch
Moosies that move in his leafy patch
Rin, rin moosie, he's comin noo
Can ye hear him cryin Tu-whit tu-woo?


19. Lollipop

A sweetie that's a lollipop's
A baa upon a stick.
A crossin that's a lollipop
Can stop the traffic quick.

Sae if there's nae a zebra
Or a mannie green an flashin,
Look oot fur the lollipop
That stops the traffic hashin.

An if there's nae a frienly face
Far road an pavement meet,
Look left, look richt, look left again
Afore ye cross the street.


20. Molly Emslie's Dug

Molly Emslie's got a dug
He keeps her safe fae hairm
He sleeps aside her in her bed
Tae keep her duvet warm.


21. Neep

Halloween! Wee neep in the park,
We'll teem yer belly,
We'll save yer sark,
Pit caunles inno yer twa neep een
Fur a ghaistie-licht at Halloween!


22. Octopus

An octopus's oxters
Are dichtit eence a day
He soaps them wi a sea sponge
Afore he gings tae play,
At fitbaa wi a mermaid
A labster an a sole:
Bit every kick he catches,
They can niver score a goal!


23. Parten

First a crannie,
Syne a thoomb
Snip, snap, snip
The parten wytes
Aneth a steen
Fur tasty taes tae nip.


24. Pincil

Leid pincil, leid pincil, makk me a letter
Jyne't wi anither an it'll be better,
Jyne't wi a puckle an I'll hae a tale
As wee as a bandy or as big as a whale.


25. Postie

Dunt gings the letterbox
My, fit a thrill!
I got a letter
Mither got a bill.

Granny got her pension
Granda got a pack
Sae aabody got somethin
Fae the pyoke on postie's back!


26. Ropies

CAA CAA THE ROPIE
YER MAA'S AWA TAE THE SHOPPIE
TAE BUY A CAKE 0 SOAPIE
TAE DICHT YER LITTLE DOCKIE (trad)

I hae a ropie, I hae twa
Caa the ropie ower an ower
Skip up, skip doon an dinna faa
Caa the ropie ower an ower.

I hae a kite wi a tail sae lang
Caa the ropie, ower an ower
It daunces up far the birdies gang
Caa the ropie, ower an ower.

Leave the shute, lowp aff the swings
Caa the ropie ower an ower
I hae a bike wi a bell that rings!
Caa the ropie ower an ower

I hae a drum an a tooteroo
Caa the ropie, ower an ower
An a wee toy bear fae the Embro zoo
Caa the ropie ower an ower.

I hae a yo yo, I hae a bat
Ca the ropie, ower an ower
I hae a fussle an a witchie's hat
Ca the ropie ow'er an ower


27. Snailie

Slivvery, slivvery, bubbly snoot
I am the snail fae the watter spoot
I cairry ma hoosie upon ma back
An draa in ma heid
Fin the skies are black.


28. Taxi Driver

Taxi driver far's yer fare?
Hurlin fowk fae here tae there
Taxi driver, if yer late
Plane an pilot winna wait!


29. Teacher

Teacher's got a fite boord
Teacher's got a black boord
Teacher's got a stick o chakk
Computer an a pen
Teacher's got a heidache- Teacher needs a teabreak
Davie Buchan's fechtin Jimmy Patterson again!


30. The Coorse Robbers

Late last nicht in the Safewyes store
Ten coorse robbers creepit in the door
The first coorse robber he chored an aipple pie
The second coorse robber he chored a tasty fry
The third coorse robber he chored a side o ham
The fourth coorse robber he chored a leg o lamb
The fifth coorse robber tuik fleg an ran awa
I phoned the police an they catched them aa!