His Name Was Wanderer Poem by n. j. saroff

The wanderer,
With the lava colored hair
The fingers like sticks in a bon fire
He could not control his desire
There is no escape
From the memories that wrap around me like a cape
Cover me in the flames
Till people call me insane
A face burned into my whole self of some else
I can not wash it away
No matter how many baths I take that day
Once I thought I loved you
Once I thought you cared
How dare you
Wander into my soul and steal my dreams
He is a constant reminder that I made a mistake
I still blame who I am,
I still find my minding thinking about you even though I don't want to
It happens again, in that moment
I look up and my body erupts
Consumed in flashbacks
I feel the wanderers doom
Worse than any panic attack
I beg and plead
He ignores
What else is in store
Please let me go
He laughs and says no
I listen, the way he never did
I'm not free, there is no cure or key
I'm trapped in a ptsd cage
With inner rage at myself turned into depression with no self expression
The wanderer
He walks the earth looking for the next innocent victim
The next person who cant see through the lies
He looks for the next pair of eyes to steal
I used to see the world fine
Now hallucination of him are all to real
I wish we had never met
I make this wish on the first star I see as the sun begins to set
I wander like him
Unknowingly effortlessly
Not knowing what to do
He left his mark
There is no taking it back, no button to restart
Its hard, its scary
But I'm moving forward no matter how wary
No matter how hard or obserd I will get through
I'll stop the wandering I do
Wanderer listen now
You think you're so nice, so lovely and strong
Let me tell you just how wrong you are
Sweet does not exist from the bodies you beat
You may have held me down that night
But I will not go underground, I will make things right
I still find the scars, the bruises, you left
Get out of my body, this fate I wont accept
Good bye wanderer
This time I wont cry
Murder my innocence my soul still survives
You may walk beside me
But you can not stop me from being happy