Hooked Poem by GK Talabi

Many times when my emotions are worn
I look up to heaven and curse the day I was born
Because right from the very beginning
This life of mine has had no meaning
I have racked my brain trying to make sense of it all
Cried heartbreaking tears from dawn till nightfall
Even thought of and sheepishly attempted suicide too
But without the real guts to carry it through

I guess my problems stemmed from my childhood
Growing up on a down-at-heel neighbourhood
Born to a mother who cared little or nothing about me
A mother who wanted to be foot loose and fancy free
Though not verbalized it was clear I was an inconvenience,
An irritant, stumbling block and the bane of her very existence
As for my dad mother has absolutely no idea who or where he is
Whenever I asked she would reply "Sweetheart ignorance is bliss"

The absence of a husband meant mom had many men friends and lovers
I'll wake in the morning and see a different man under her bed covers
And it made sense to me why she never knew who my father was
So the search for him will most certainly be a lost cause
But she was not a whore I love her too much to label her a whore
She was merely following the footsteps of those who had gone before
Her mom, grandmamma, aunt and elder siblings had done the same
Supplementing their welfare cheques by going on the game

Once a in a while one of these men would be a common-law husband
How mom chooses her man to be with is one thing I wont' understand
They were either jailbirds, drug addicts, alcoholics and what-have-you
She never dated a man with a job, a trade or someone remotely well-to-do
The dregs of society took her fancy, men who were down on their luck
Men who stole from her, vented their spleen and used her as a sitting duck
It was at the hands of one of these men I lost my primal innocence
And mom did absolutely nothing and neither did she come to my defense

As much as I loved my mom she never stood by me as an ally
At one point she looked at me and said "Honey you are telling a lie,
Mr. Benson won't look at you twice not to mention fucking you
Now please stop making up stories and find something better to do! "
With no one to turn to I was left on my own to suffer sex abuse in silence
And I learnt very quickly that all Mr. Benson required was my compliance
Mom's denial meant he felt free to enter my room without any bother.
Whilst raping me he'll growl "You are tighter than your fucking mother! "

And that's how I got pregnant at the tender age of thirteen
Just two months before I turned fourteen
Through no fault of my mine my life had spun out of control
I could see myself sinking rapidly into the proverbial dark hole
Mom said we would get rid of the pregnancy one way or another
She disbelieved me when I told her that Mr. Benson was the father
Once again she accused me of making up stories and telling white lies
She said all the boys in the neighborhood had seen between my thighs

From my house to the streets drug sale and use was prevalent
For me going to School was no longer relevant
After the abortion I was too depressed to do anything worthwhile
My whole environment was stagnant downright hostile
Moreover mom's new man Black-Banana licks his lips when I walk by
And again my mom refused to believe me she accused me of telling a lie
Then one day while she was out Black-Banana raped me like never before
I bled heavily and I decided there and then that this was the final straw

I did not pack my bags as I did not own or have anything
And life never gave me the chance to own or have anything
So with the clothes on my back I moved into a hostel on skid row
How I was going to fend for myself I did not know
I did not have a single penny to my name
But there was going to be no shame in my game
I was going to survive one way or another
Do anything to keep me from going to beg from my mother

Thankfully my welfare cheques came through but not enough to live on
I did not have the luxuries of school or any qualifications to fall upon
But I worked here and there under the table
The jobs were few and far between and not stable
Employers would employ and dismiss me on a whim
Times without number I will be out on a limb
Sometimes after paying my bills there was nothing to live on
That's when Roberta my roommate suggested I try prostitution

Honestly the idea of selling my body for money did not appeal me
Surely people would say the apple does not fall far from the tree
But all I was doing was trying to make ends meet
Earning some money to help me stay on my feet
After all I wasn't stealing, killing or hurting anyone
Besides prostitution is so much easier said than done
Even though Roberta showed me the tips and tricks of the trade,
At times when a customer was difficult it was her who came to my aid

Roberta was a no nonsense Hispanic woman
She could hold her own against any man
It was her who introduced me to my pimp Tyrone
A gangster whose reputation for violence was well known
Tyrone wasted no time in taking me under his wings
In total he had about forty girls tied to his apron's strings
He offered his protection for a percentage of what we earned
Warning us severely to work hard and leave and no stone unturned

Indeed Tyrone slapped a girl unconscious for refusing anal sex with a client
This show of violence made the rest of us perish the thought of being defiant
It goes without saying that Tyrone put the fear of God in us
Constantly repeating himself like a broken record that he was our boss
In fairness Tyrone kept up his part of the bargain
No client dared or even tried to take advantage of me again
They instinctively knew they had to toe the line
Tyrone's name alone was enough to send shivers down a man's spine.

My prospects as a prostitute was looking good
At times I would have to pinch myself or touch wood
Whenever I counted with tears of joy all the money I was making
I would even give it to Roberta to recount to be sure I wasn't mistaking.
After I paid all my bills I still had some money for the rainy day
I even repeatedly sent money to my mom who lived not too far away
But in an envelope with a note she always sent back my money
The note would read "Thanks but I don't want dirty earnings Honey! "

Years went by and I continued to work hard
To the point that Tyrone now considered me his trump card
Whenever he wanted to entertain friends from the underworld
He had my mobile number on speed dial and he called,
Tyrone knew I never said no to anything
But it was fear of Tyrone that made me agree to everything
Thankfully his friends described sex with me as simply delicious
Because Tyrone wouldn't think twice about slapping me unconscious

In no way can it be described as an easy life
Amongst us girls bitching, gossiping and cat fighting was rife
In the line of duty we caught all types of venereal disease
But we continued working refusing to brought to our knees
Besides all our clients cared about was getting satisfied
They did not give a damn if we lived or died
Tyrone did not care either and his hold on us was taking its toll
Which was making my drugs use spin out of control

When I first started out and wet behind the ears
Roberta had given me illicit drugs to calm my fears
She said "Take these they will keep your nerves at bay"
How right she was my nerves grew wings and flew away
Just a few smokes and I would not see my fears for dust
I confidently took my clothes off to fulfil any man's lust
And if the client was clean or filthy I did not care
When you are on drugs you will do anything I swear

I knew I had a problem when I burnt through my savings
Spending every penny just to satisfy my cravings
Even begging from Tyrone when I was in short supply
And he'll give me some drugs just to get me by
Warning me to pay him back as a matter of fact
Threatening violence if I did not clean up my act
I tried everything in my power to quit
Even cold turkey which made me feel like shit

Then suddenly Tyrone took me off his books
He said drugs had robbed me of my good looks
Cruelly telling me that I was no longer his money maker
This news was a real heartbreaker
He relegated me back to being a street hooker
On the bases of me no longer being a looker
I walked dark lonely streets just to get back on my feet
This I had to do to pay my debts and make ends meet.

As time went by I could no longer pay my rent
Drugs is where all my money was spent
Tired of my pathetic excuses my landlord saw red
And rightfully deprived me of the roof over my head
To make matters worse my mom had changed address
So I couldn't return home in my state of distress
Neither did I have the strength to prostitute
I was down, out and destitute

At times I'll huddle in a street corner and cry
Over and over I'll ask "Oh God why me, why! "
So much turmoil going through my mind
Why has life decided to rob me blind?
I have never been happy for just ten minutes
It seems everything was designed to test my limits
And by the same token
I have really and truly been broken

Dear reader I hereby appeal to you
Everything you have read is true
Help me in anyway you can please
I am begging you on my knees
You will find me sleeping rough on any street
Please take my hands help me get on my feet
A little sympathy and empathy will do
And may God Almighty help you too.
Amen.