How Much Is Giving Up? Poem by Althea Tan

How much is giving up?
How much do I have to take?

All the doors are closing shut,
Only one is left unlocked.

How much is too little?
How little is too much?

Do I need to fail?
Do I need to cry?
Do I need to take the pain?
Do I even need to try?

Do I need to embrace the burns and the wounds,
The scars broken bones leave behind?

Do I need to accept my loss,
Leaving blood as proof of my defeat?

Are their spiteful words, all made to hurt, the pinnacle of my pain?
Or shall I endure the expected burns,
All that comes with my name?

How much more do I need to try?
Do I need to take the blame?
When am I allowed to fail?
Will I never ever win?

Up the stairs,
climb the ladders
Past the floors below,
I've ascended all the levels beneath me
And I'm finally at the top.

The rooftops are windy,
sharp and cold.
It's high up,16 floors-
A lucky number for me
The number of death, is just too low
4 is not just enough

I love the feeling of wind in my hair,
And nothing beneath my feet

This is the only door for me
The only path I can take

I know here, I will be set free,
No more pain
No lies
No delusions
No more suffering
No more anything

It's now that I can finally be free,
I'll fly and fall through the air.

Now, all I need, is for you
just to let me go.
(Please, just let me fall)