How To Lasso A Zombie Poem by Patti Masterman

Zombies are not afraid of crucifix or holy water
They hate sports matches, and emotional soap operas
Because they are the frozen dead
If you are lucky enough to encounter one in the wild
You can distract the zombie with rapid hand motions
While reciting some epic poem
When you find those glazed eyes upon you
Tie the zombie firmly to the nearest tree trunk
To scare away all the crows from the grounds
And prove an interesting conversation topic
When your friends come for dinner
(Zombies have no unions, and do not hold
With lawsuits- and they make great pets too)
Once you acquire one, everyone in the neighborhood
Will soon be out shopping for their own zombie
Just remember you were the original first owner
And they are all just copycats.