I Am Here Poem by I Am Here

Ok. This is my side.

When I first met you.. I was very confused about the feeling you gave me.. I felt really good. And it confused me. I did not know you at all but I wanted to impress you. So I decided to try to impress you with the only thing I really knew.. And that happened to be rainbows. And I also started to use my art to impress you. Like poetry and my paintings and drawings. I was confused but I knew that I wanted you to stay. In fact my feelings were hard to describe. So I wrote poetry to impress you.. and so I would show you them all the time because I always wanted to see them. I loved showing you my art. I was proud of it. It just came out. Like flowed.. and I took pride in the result. Like my drawings. I can do good in little time. Well I had found a website and I liked it. I started to post poetry.. it accumulated fast because I kind of get into a one hobbie person. I don't multitask easy. Well I was writing in it. And I think I kind of realized that you were reading my poetry maybe. And so I did not really understand. I don't really remember what I was thinking. It was not to big at the time. I did not think anything of it really. Just confused. I started to bring it up to you at a point and you would deny it which would start to believe you. But I think that I was still confused so I kept bringing it up. Your denial did not completely effect me but it bothered me to a point so I would put a highly romantized poem to state my confusion. Your rejections actually really effected my thought about you really looking at them and I did not have any idea why you would. I was talking to two very nice people also that helped me when you rejected my feelings so bluntly. And then wanted to stop seeing me.. I felt horrible.. But I felt that they were there to listen. Gradually I stopped talking to one. And kept talking to the other. I liked the disscutions.. I was also discussing my problems in a more like vague manner. I started to get suspicias of them so I brought it up to you. You denied me again. I started to become quiet. And I started to you the poetry to talk to you because I would feel really neglected and or depressed. I was not understanding what was going on but I think I had started to realize you were looking for something. It was becoming more clear. I was confused about Sandra so I wrote her a poem with her advice. As a test. I think things were more clear but not so much with your rejections I was not really understanding. Or understand your position. But my poetry actually told me some things. later. Like outerspace and don't worry. It pressured me. Well don't worry became an important to me because I was afraid of you worrying or anything. I felt like I needed to repond to it. But it pressured me too write. Because I did not really know what was going on. I was trying to tell you that my confession does not mean you must feel the same. And I tried to tell you we could be friends. At one point I said that I would be your friend so maybe you would not be uncomfortable. That confused me to. Nicole and the fact you said you were uncomfortable around me. I thought you had feelings for me like that on and off. I was confused by your responses a little but it became more clear in the poetry. Your telling me I know you took me by surprise. And I got alittle outdone in my feelings. I can only say I was thinking crazy a lot.I asked you about Sandra with the poem and you denied me again. After the Sandra I know you thing. I was not really sure what was going on but I know I was depressed. A lot of this I don't remember clear for I just went forward and it kind of melted together and blurred. I realized things later on and I would react to them. Just kept passing your tests. I was reacting in my poetry clicks. Especially don't worry and outerspace the others I couldn't unless I became scared you were gone. I was trying to pretend I did not finally come to the conclusion. And I was no longer approaching you. I just kept writing because I felt I had to or I would lose you for some reason. I felt like sometimes the only way to talk to you was through them. Well I knew that the I hate you was a test. I was trying to use my feelings you gave me through my hurts that came through my confession and through the poetry alittle and the want for you to stay and I did not want you to leave could not picture it ever. I wanted you to stay just as much throughout. It was a strong strong feeling. I did not want to lose you at all. And I was trying to show you that I really needed you. I wrote the poetry after because I was confused and I wanted to hear why you were doing this. And I felt really bad at a point but it made me tell you the poem but I did not realize truly how bad everything was or that poem. I did not think right. I was not thinking right a lot. I was not understanding anything but my selfish feelings and wanting this fixed. But I also felt upset because that poetry was not me. But my words and emotions and confusion and taling to you. calling to you.i did not understand after too. I saw a lot of hate and it overwhelmed me. and I was reading your poetry and my feelings wernt helping. I did not realize in my disfuntion and disconnect anything but hate and it overtook me. I was trying so hard to make things right but in my disfunction my fixing was the problem. And not understanding your hurt at all. I catched glimpse and I would feel really bad. then fade.i was again so lost in everthing. And I feel really bad. I needed to see those poems because I would have never understood without the connection of them for I am in a site. This is a little confusing but I tried to explain. I am truly sorry.. I really am. Please forgive me.