I Forgave Myself Poem by Martins Akhoeneto

I forgave myself
for staying
where love kept leaving,

for believing promises
because loneliness
made them beautiful,

for mistaking
being needed
for being loved,

for returning
to doors
that had already
learned the shape
of my breaking.

I forgave myself
for calling endurance
patience,

for calling absence
a season,

for calling crumbs
a feast
because I had forgotten
what hunger meant.

And perhaps
healing begins here

not in understanding
why they hurt me,

not in waiting
for an apology
that may never come,

but in finally grieving
the terrible length
of time

I abandoned myself
just to keep
someone
who was already
leaving.