I had dreams, dreams of life
Happy marriage as my man's wife
Young and aspiring life
Being a proud soldier's wife
The gaity of the rajastani sands
And chilness of the saichan ice
The glory of the kashmir valley
Made life a beautiful rally
As we raced together for the union of minds
And souls in the marriage of real finds
Proud was I as any other Indian child
With my man with charm of his uniform and wild
For my man is with the Army saving this soil
Never did we know the forthcoming turmoil
The bright spring that set the enemy in the Kargil soil
Ten days old marriage had a new meaning foil
To part was not in the cards for the new bride
But let him go for the country with pride
The gallant indian soldier marched to the enemy camp
Through the slopes, and shivering cold and ramp
To him what mattered was not his new bride
But saving his mother India with lots of pride
Fought the days and nights for this country
Made his bullet torn tents his only entity
Marched did his with loads of food on his back
Not knowing at home when he would be back
Went through the woods and lost his guide
But did not dare to get back for the sake of Nation's pride
The enemy took the lead hand
To capture this brave soldier and run his rand
Back at home, my dreams vanished
With the fears of no news from my man
Sun rose everyday, and set at the noon
Making it a bane what I thought was a boon
The days and weeks passed with the fears
And my unspoken wonders and unshed tears
No news of his survival nor of his death
With the hopes of his life, I held my breadth
Run did me behind the every postman who crossed my street
Waiting for the little piece of paper with his news treat
Came back the Army, with my man in the missing list
No confirmation of his life and death, to do its best
The sun did not give the required warmth
Or the night could ever steel my hearts wrath
Thousands of people could defend this country
But for me and my life, it could only be he
I could not be the great martyr's wife
Sacrifice for the land and go ahead with pride
Waited for months that he would come back
Making the colours shine wiping away the black
No call, no fall of any news of where he was
Every day was hard and tough enough to pass
People whom I thought was mine
Forced me to forget this as I whined
I as a human being came across another man
A prince charming who could let me realise a woman
A young woman in me, who forgot to laugh for a while
Was taken by passion to travel with me that extra mile
With due respect and affection, I bid a farewell
To my first marriage and felt he would be well
Life started afresh with still the mist in my eyes
And ofcourse thought was at the best of my dice
Gone are the tears of someone's search
For four years of waiting had no breach
Roses bloomed in the garden of tears
And love whispered loud again in my ears
With no regrets of the past
Every new day with charm started to pass
As a sign of the perfect love in life
Butterflies in me started to fly as a new wife
For the man who respected my past life
I decided to be a real passionate perfect wife
Dreams of the junior did grow with us
And our child started to grow with bliss
A perfect family in the making
As we made a happy beginning
Little did we know what future had in store
As one day my first husband knocked at the door
Four years of silence from his side
Made the matters worse and distance wide
Could not run into his blossom as his wife
Of I am now the mother of a different man's child
Could not hug him tight welcoming his back with life
For no more in thought or pride, I am his wife
Shocked was he with my swollen womb
Tears filled eyes told the stories of escape from tomb
The merciless pakistan jail that struck him with darkness
That made for him the outside world, an unknown palace
4 years of no speech, no warmth and no sleep
made him loose the charm and eyes dark and deep
I could only cry for the ill fate of mine
But could not welcome him back in life being fine
He wanted me back in his life
As his endearing and everlasting wife
But for me now what matters is my child
For I have to give a life which is gentle and never wild
He is my husband but not my child's father
My child's father is not my husband for that matter
What mattered is the legacy that was set by others
And not the minds, souls and hearts that withers
People whom I thought was mine
Forced me to forget this as I whined
Want me to forget the passion for my child's father
And go back to the most ill fated Soldier
What am I, certainly not a toy
That changes the hands in a play
Here I am, an human being who withers
One pain I faced in life as a lost bride
With the first marriage whose fate unknown
For years, as a wife or his widow, not known
Now with the second marriage, that's destiny unknown
And the feelings of heart unheard and unknown
If I go back to my first husband, I am wrong
For the little child will go illegal as she is bron
Should I think of the country at large
And goahead with the soldier in his life's march
Or should I be worried as a little mother
And provide the solace to little one with her own father
Should I forget the legitamacy of this child
And goahead just because my man is back and wild
Should I do justice to the man who came as a solace
To me when life withered being alone and roll back
How could I betray a man who made me his wife
After the destiny danced badly in my life with grief
Soldier thinks he deserves me best for he went for the country
I think I need my child's father for her world not to end in dismay
I respect the soldier returning back with life
But no more could I go back to him as his wife
Had this been love which was true
He should respect my life which started new
Had the emotions and thoughts respected by few
He should with heart bid me a farewell adieu
He may be a soldier to this country and sacrificed
But to me what matters is the man who edificed
When the world closed its door for me
My child's father came to rescue and shelter me
I respect and regard the man of my first marriage
But I have no rights to cause my child's life any damage
The roads are new and never taken
Let god show the way before its forsaken
Gentle be the decisions to make life go in peace
Before all our lives part and burn to piece
In the mantle of justice, he may be right and he may win
But if it happens, he is a man who lost his own battle fine
For no more a woman can share her heart with two gentlemen
Nor give up the child for the justice told by the people with pen
This is an unknown story with an unknown end
Let me hope this will have an happy end…………………………
…………………………Tributes to the victim Guidya. Let god give her strength to take the right decision.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem