I'M Letting Go Now Dad

I'm letting go now dad
although I'm still not sure how.
Letting go of those beliefs
all of them right now.
I was just a child
innocent and new.
I wasn't responsible
for making your life better for you.
You said I have no morals
no integrity like you.
But you decided that on your own
when I was what.....2?
You say I have nothing to offer
nothing worthy I can give.
Do you even know me
who I am how I live?
I grew up always knowing
my father hated me all my life.
I was never wanted or needed
not by him,
Unless it was to stroke his precious pride
there was no reason for me to live.
It was a way to hurt my mom
or make him look good among his friends.
Love and laughter were non exitstant
a lie or or just pretend.
I never believed I was anything but wrong
he made me believe I was a mistake.
I never would belong.
Hugs and kisses were acts in a play
something to convince his friends
hey this dad's A-Ok.
But the truth of that life
was he was selfish and he was mean.
He was never father of the year,
he has no clue how to be.
His coldness and his hatred
made me feel like a disease.
I couldn't ever be loved
that's what he made me believe.
After I left him to live with mom
she showed me this thing called love.
I learned how to give it.
The depth of what it was.
Now my children and my husband
I tell them everyday.
They are perfect and I love them
unconditional in every way.
Good and bad disagreements and such
because they are.
That's enough just because.
And for all the love
I've been able to give
believing it in return
was harder to live.
He made me believe I wasn't worthy enough to have
love wasn't for me
I was nothing but bad.
I've let him destroy
too much of my lite
It's tainted my marriage
I've struggled too long just to be alive.
I'm done now believing
I'm unworthy to be loved.
I'm done with all the hurting
thinking I should just because.
It was him that was the failure
not the child that I was.
I am good and I am worthy
I deserve to be loved
I am special and I belong
I'm not the mistake I never was.
I'm done with his disease
his judgmental hate.
I will be happy in my life
before it's too late.
I'm done with that lie
and it's time I stopped asking
You love me...Why?
I have a husband and two children
who love me for me.
Because I am a great person
I finally believe what they see.
So I'm letting go now
of all he made me believe.
Letting go of his cancer
that was eating away at my life.
He was an unwanted disease
I've been slowly cured of
No longer will I live his lie.

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