I Stood There In Ma Wellies! Poem by Denis Martindale

Yes, I stood there in ma wellies, beneath the mistletoe,
Like the guys with swollen bellies that girls don't want to know.
And not one girl gave me a kiss, a present or a cake,
So every party just like this was such a big mistake.

When I got home to dine alone, I didn't give a damn,
No calls upon my telephone! So who cares where I am?
I watched a Bond film till its end, and then went off to bed,
No, I haven't got a girlfriend! I'm just like my dog, Fred.

He couldn't even wag his tail. I know just how he feels,
He lives with Denis Martindale, perhaps just for free meals.
But I love Fred with all my heart. He keeps me company,
And listens when I make a start reciting poetry.

We go for walks by day and night, regardless of the fog,
Pretending that we're both alright, just one man and his dog.
While others party now and then, with cuddles full of charm,
I can't recall an evening when one girl had touched my arm.

Some girls would pat Fred on the head and even shake his hand,
Then walk away from me instead, with no more contact planned.
A fat guy doesn't stand a chance! He wobbles through this life.
Without romance, no need to dance, and certainly no wife.

And yet I'm saving cash galore, despite my lack of thrills!
I ain't got no Mother-In-Law that could give me the chills!
So there's an upside to it all, no need to pity me!
Can't you see? I'm having a ball, just writing poetry!


Denis Martindale.9th December 2025.