I Used To Be Completely Dedicated Chasing A Better Feeling. Comments

I used to be completely dedicated chasing a better feeling, I needed to, I wanted to. Constantly running from the silence, it was deafening and unpleasant. Every day was the last time I would motivate myself, I will feel completely in control, till the feeling fades and complete dread falls upon me so fast without warning.
Wishing I could keep my promise to myself, but soon I will tell myself it's okay, this time will be the last. My best friend is night time the time where everything is still and welcoming, night time where I am completely free and save. A little bit to keep the feeling in place, my mind will play tricks my thoughts so abstract and wild a mission to put together on paper.
Awake, so awake into the night till early morning, talking to myself wishing I could be playful, content in making a blanket fort, and disappear in an imaginary world. I will sometimes wish I could have a child-like imagination to create an imaginary friend.
But most nights I wanted to be a freak, concentrating hard to lose my mind, the madness the total loss of control will make space in my mind where thoughts overflow like too much popcorn in a pot. I need a pick me up again, chasing a better feeling because I need to stay one step ahead of the constant feeling of dread.
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