I Want To Scream Poem by Susan Basile

I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything.
I hate that you're the one thing I want the most but can't have. I hate that you let me go before I even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me.
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you.
I wish I could believe my own lies I used to cover up the pain you left.
I need to move on says my head.
I need to hold on my heart says.
I need to decide says my mind.
I envy the way this hasn't hurt you at all
I envy her.
I envy the fact that you don't understand what this feels like at all.
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over.
I wish I could make things the way they were before you cane in my life.
I wish I could change time.
I wish I could change you.
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me.
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I hate that you used me
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back
I hate that I wasted it with you
I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I'm tired of wanting something I can't have
I'm tires of hurting myself for things that aren't my fault and things I can't control.
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you.
I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy.
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me as your child.