I Was Tired Of Wonder Poem by Ben Partenay

i was tired of wonder,
i wanted something soft.
i heard your voice say
"it's gonna be alright" and i heard it as i heard all lies,
hungrily.

see, the part of me you see, is the part that believes it
the part that plays with a picture of your hair
thrown across a pillow case.
it's my pillow case, and this is my dream
(it's my dream and it's a lie) .

i was tired and i woke up this morning
and my pillowcase was wet
with my sweat, it
wasn't your pillowcase
and the hair i pulled from my dry lip
was my own, because it was me who went
and dreamt a dream.

here's a list of other words i hear
"you don't think you're alone,
do you? " see,
it isn't all softness
nor should it be. in the mirror
i'm combing my hair back from
my eyes and im doing math
to figure out why they're bloodshot.
i brush my teeth and
there's blood in the spit, i am
wondering why
everything inside, even
my blood, is
working it's way out.

if this were a song,
the refrain would read
"here's a story about how dreams
get away with murder", but you keep
saying "i can't wait to see you" and I
keep wrapping myself up at night
with words that aren't there
in the morning.

i hope that (whereveryouare)
you're smiling (myfavoritegrin)
and understand (inmicroscopicways)
that it's difficult (asflying)
to be in love (lovelove)
with a thought (ofmorning)
when you know (likesomethingsure)
someone else dreamt (thisdreamfirst)
obabyobaby, i'm
maybe the moon, just a reflection
of daylight
that keeps you up
at night
( )
.