I Wish I Told You Poem by Linda Racaniello

I thought that you would be happy, that I was still a virgin
I couldn’t wait to surprise you before you went off to Iraq
But all you did was yell at me, wanted to know why I did it.
What was I trying to do to you – to force you to come back?

Finally the night had arrived, I was ready to do it
how I’d kept it all a secret I guess I’ll never know
I thought that you’d be honored, that I gave myself to you
I really loved you a lot, and thought your love would grow

But I was so surprised when they called you for deployment
Not ever a week later you flew to Fort Bragg without complaining
Now I’m standing here at the window, about 3 months pregnant
Wishing I had told you, while you were still in training

You passed with flying colors and they put you on a plane
they promoted you to Staff Sergeant 'cause of your rapport
You never bothered to write me, so you never even knew
that I had had your baby, while you fought a civil war

I sent you a letter with picture of the son that looked like you
But they say you never got the letter, because you’d died that day
You tried to stop an insurgent – from killing a pregnant lady
Papers say you were a hero, 'cause you got her out of the way

I am gonna raise him on my own, and tell him you were a hero
I’m gonna bring him to your grave, tell him you were coming back
Cause even though I knew you were angry, I always thought you loved me
And I expected to be reunited when you came home from Iraq

So what do I do now that my bf, my man, and my hero is dead
I can’t keep this to myself; God your Mom would be so mad
If I didn’t let her know she was a grandmother
To the son you never even knew you had

Grandma and I both love Jason Jr.,
And I have moved into the house that you grew up in
Grandma watches him when I’m in school
And we both tell him how much you loved him

We often drive down to visit the grave
we bring picnic and put down pretty flowers
Jason tells you how much he loves you
as we sit under the apple tree and picnic by the hour

Jason Jr's growing up real fast
I wish that you could watch and see
'cause boy he looks just like you
but honey he acts just like me