If I Have To Disappear Poem by Rita Dalimata

if i have to disappear
take me to the forest
west glacier national park
where i got lost as a child.
i want to get lost again.

i want to lean against
the red cedar tree
that my brother's and i climbed
and were too scared
to come back down.
and as i lean against it
i want it's rough bark
to grow over my skin
layer after layer
slowly, letting me take in
these final moments.

i want to feel the tears
run down my face
and fall fall fall
to the moss covered ground
nourishing the earth.
that is the last gift
i will give to these woods.
a thank you for the
brightest part of my
darkest years.

i want to laugh like
a child again as the
soft Montana ferns
tickle the backs of my legs
and the sides of my bare feet.
and finally, after the bark
of the loving red cedar
has drawn me into it's embrace
nothing of me remaining
but the smile i left behind
knotted in the wood,
i want to be forgotten.

i want children to look at
this beautiful red cedar
at the smile on her skin
and be filled with wonder.
i hope that even after i
have to disappear,
the sun and rain and moonlight
will still caress my earthen face.

if i have to disappear
take me to the mountains
take me to the rivers
but leave me among the trees.
nothing and no one
to no one but the forest.