Muscle 'n Guts Poem by Rita Dalimata

it didn't come easy,
if that's what your askin,
this lettin you go.
it wasn't somethin
i did lightly
or nightly —
it took the guts
i didn't have,
the ones i threw up
when i learned the truth,
the true truth about us.
an' every time i see you
i feel like i'm gonna hurl
because it don't come easy
even now
because you took somethin
right outta me
took somethin from this girl.
took the muscles in my arms
and the ones in my back too
the ones that i grew
from holdin up this weight
the weight of me and you.
you can look at me
the brave face i put on
you think that's why i'm tough
but this face
ain't what makes me strong.
i've put in the hard work
done the dirty diggin
and dug myself right back out
cause i'm goin places
i've decided now
and it didn't come easy
despite what you're thinkin.
the only thing holdin me down
is gravity
not you
and sure as hell not your memory.
it didn't come easy
this lettin you go.
it took cold sweat
and nausea
and tears that you never saw fall.
but my mama saw ‘em
and the sister i chose did too
and i need them
more than i ever needed you
it may not have been easy
but that don't mean it ain't right
and i got somethin out of it all
muscles
and guts
and growin up
i know that ain't something you understand
i'm not —
i'm not sure you even can
wrap your mind around more than you
not sure you can see the damage
your words can do.
i heard what you said
but what you're sayin is wrong
it didn't come easy
but it made me strong