If You Truly Wanted To Love Me Poem by Shilesha Johnson

If you truly wanted to be apart of my life
Then you would make an attempt
And I don’t understand
Why you would allow for us to be exempt
If you loved me how could you allow this to be
I’m your child
Aren’t you supposed to love me?
Aren’t you supposed to give me support?
I know I’m a disappointment to you
I know I came up short
I know I wasn’t what you wanted
Or even what you expected
I guess that’s why I was neglected
And didn’t meet up to your standards
But my only question to you
Has still remained to be unanswered
I never ask you for anything
But this is something I need to know desperately
Why?
And I try so hard to be strong and not cry
But how can I?
How can anyone be strong?
When the one they have yearned for so long
Could never love them back
And it’s not a boy or a friend
It’s my mom
How messed up is that
I jus have this image of what a mother should be
And the fact that you aren’t any of those things
Is what truly hurts me?
It’s what makes me depressed when I should be happy
The pain you caused has spread all over me like acne
And I try to cover it up sometimes by always laughing
But ma it’s just so hard to
I need you
I don’t want to waste your time
All I want to know is what did I do?