In Sickness Poem by Rachael Swiss

i have not the words to rescue you by
just wishes fulfilled as tears
bitter welling bubbles bursting and flooding over
rivulets carving well-worn paths into puffy cheeks
sodden and sobbing and choking a scream
helpless speechless paralyzed
my lungs full of saline
drowned out with boxed ears popping hollow
under inner tunnels rumbling rushing looming
veins flowing overhead
and the guilt
the thick fog that rolls over all-consuming
steaming with moist electricity
a heavy cumulonimbus on the ground gasping
clammy hands upon my throat
sputtering cacophonous symphonies of why
at the wailing wall
and i climbed
chipped nails bruised knees broken spirits
and it grows
it rots me from the inside where the bandages won't stick
slick skin your vocabulary oilier than mine
but cold
the gloves are off
i cup my hands to hold you in
liquefied you pass through these little-girl hands
mercury you are
testing the temperatures of the psyche
the gauge rising as i fall feverishly
abandoned and incarcerated
bound for life and the contract is binding
the promise as forever as purgatorial remorse
every day i roll the boulder up
every day i fill the sieve
every day of loving is fighting
having lost and let you go.