Inside The Factory With Gregg Wallace Poem by Paul Reed

Fresh from his efforts on ‘Masterchef'
Where his ‘shouty' voice would leave you deaf
Gregg Wallace is now touring factories
His television viewers to inform and please;

One interesting place he found to linger
Was the home of the humble Bird's Eye fish finger
And through the factory on his plod
Gregg spied frozen blocks of compressed cod;

Every week through the door came over a hundred tonne
Which left our intrepid reporter visibly stunned
"Wow! " exclaimed Gregg, clearly astonished,
"That's a serious amount of frozen fish! "

Then, through processes many and scattered
Cut into fingers, floured and battered
Finally bread crumbed and put into packets
Launched at the supermarkets' ‘saver' price bracket;

Not content with that, Gregg trooped off to Gloucester
Where he joined the Ribena roster
To be submerged in tonnes of ripe, black fruit
Which left purple stains on his boiler suit;

His round glasses and hairnet seen by the nation
He gathered himself for his next exclamation
He yelled, looking rather like the factory cleaner
"That's a serious amount of Ribena! "

Then in poured a billion pellets of plastic
Which might seem to you and me a bit drastic
But they go to make recycled bottles by the boatload
To forklift onto trucks to go on the road;

To get to their destinations in a manner hasty
With their payload of blackcurrant juice so tasty
Gregg confirmed, shouting loud enough to make you blink,
"That sure is a serious amount of drink"!