Is That What You Mean? Poem by Alexandre Nodopaka

Your poem is way too long and
its sparse punctuation magnifies that feeling.
I'd chop the hell out of it with periods.

And maybe semi-colons.

Way too much for me to take in!
And you speak about the dead seeing hues!
Aren't the dead color blind?

Later on in regard in fact
I'd take defacto in fact out!
And while I'm at it I'd delete

unbreakable next to your barrier
and change it to invisible.
Unless the dead can break a leg or see.

And then, to drive both of us crazier
I'd rather say, rapping a patent leather shoe
on the rough hewn floor

instead of tapping a shoe on a polished floor.
That's because one is more modern than the other
and in a way dates the epic and so one can see

and sense the scuffing, you know.
And in my craving to invent fresh turn of words
where you speak of places I want to phrase instead,

to a placeless place
where there's no space
I want to face your face.

Well, let's face it, maybe that one is too corny.
And I could go on and on… and on.
You see the effects of your poem on my verse?