Just Poem by Persephone Springs

For me it will always be more than just a kiss
Every single touch means so much more when you didn't get to chose your first-
First kiss
First time
First love
I didn't get to chose
And every time he touches me, my heart races, and a part of me falls down inside.
Because even though this time I have a choice, it will never be my body
My androphobia invades my life the way that his hands invaded my body every night for seven years
Maybe more
I'll never know and thank god
So when you tell me that it's
Just sex
Just a touch
Just a kiss
I want you to know that my first just a kiss was on a sweaty mattress after he finished with me
My first just a touch was in the attic with a dusty t-shirt in my mouth
My first just sex was in a room the color of my tears, heavy with the scent of regret, with a 40-something year old suffocating me with the words I love you as he pushed himself further and further into the depths of my little girl body
A body that will never be mine because it is his
And then it will be yours
And whoever else wants it
It will never be just a kiss
Because just kisses lead to just touches lead to just sex, leads to...

For me, it will always be more than just a kiss