Just A Few Distractions Poem by Ben Duncan

Why do I feel this way?
Lonely even if surrounded
In pain even when relaxed
just waiting for this all to be over

thoughts consistently getting darker
only ever falling deeper
always asking why
no hope in getting any answers
screwing up
ridiculing myself for doing so
endlessly torturing myself

I'm always caught in the middle
one side telling me to give up, die
the other telling me to fight(almost but a whisper)
hating myself for being so pathetic

Having to constantly distract myself
spending every minute of every day trying to amuse myself
exhausted of all the distractions
knowing every time i fail, I fall into darkness
being attacked by my own thoughts, my own words, begging for it to stop
begging for everything to stop
begging for it all to just end
After what feels to be an eternity
I become to weak to support myself
fall to the ground
too weak to get up
too tired to get up
exhausted and just feeling worthless
waiting for the death that wont come soon enough
just a screwed up idiot
too weak to ask for help
to gutless to do anything about this
just a worthless person