Kids! Stuff! Poem by Dónall Dempsey

STUPID SILLY ELEPHANT BLUES

Elephants look silly in pants.
It impedes 'em when they dance.

Gigantically grumpy
(all fat & lumpy)

they think they can dance
...but, they can't!



UH OH...BIG MISTAKE! (MOMMA SHOULDA TOLD ME!)

Lions like lionesses
(of that there is no doubt) .

Lions are friendly
(you can put your head in their mouth) .

You can tame 'em with a whip 'n' chair
(you can tickle 'em here...you can tickle 'em there) .

Lions are just big pussycats!
There is simply nothing to fear.

Gulp!

(It's awfully dark in here!) .


I HATE 'EM! I HATE 'EM! I HATE 'EM!
(Poem for Timothy)

'Have you ever seen a vegetable ride a bike?
(Yeah...right!)

Look at a video?
(Duh...hello...no!)

Or be called Timothy?
(Seeeeeeee...?)

Or even be nice?
Or even be nice?
(There... I've said it twice!)

Well, have you?

Have you?

No?
Exactly!

That's my point!
That's why I hate 'em!

And I refuse to put 'em in my mouth! '

'Excuse me... young man!
Enough of your excuses!
You will...sit...and eat...your greens! '

'Ok...ok...Mum!
(Who would have thought a Mum could be so mean!)
'I'll...eat...'em! '

Yuckkkkkkkk!

I mean...

(someone must like Brussel Sprouts but...)

- I'M DEFINITELY NOT ONE OF 'EM!



HOMEWORK WORRY BLUES!

Well....I woke up this morning!
(De dah.. de dah!)

Blues...inside my head!
(De dah.. de dah!)

I'd forgotten to do my homework!
(De dah.. de dah!)

... wished...that I was dead!
(De dah.. de dah!)

I tried to think of some stupid feeble excuse!
(De dah.. de dah!)

...that Sir, hadn't heard of before!
(De dah.. de dah!)

My heart was beating in fear &... trepidation...
(De dah.. de dah!)

...as I slowly approached the schoolroom door!
(De dah.. de dah!)

But just hold on one cotton pickin' minute!
(De dah.. de dah!)

...there's...nobody here but me!
(De dah.. de dah!)

Well, maybe 'cos it's Sunday not Monday!
I mean how blind can a poor boy be!
I got the no homework...no homework worry blues!
I got the no homeworkd...the no homeworkd worry blues!
(Slow and disintegrating...De dah.. de dah!)

Spoken: 'Tarnation man...I'm a going back to my bed...hope no one done seen me...mumblemuttermumblemutter!



LITTLE SISTER TELLTALE TITTLE TATTLE BLUES

Well...I woke up this mornin...!
(De dah.. de dah!)

My little sis was screaming at me!
(De dah.. de dah!)

'Agghhhhhhh...Im a gonna tell Mummy! '
(De dah.. de dah!)

'...that I sawed wot I seed! '
(De dah.. de dah!)

I spat: 'Hush yer mouth little girl! '
(De dah.. de dah!)

'...and learn to speak English prop-er-ly
(De dah.. de dah!)

'I'm a gonna tell...you was kissing that boy from 9c
(De dah.. de dah!)

'Ah! Your'e just jealous you haven't got a fella ya little yella belly bi..! '
(De dah.. de dah!)

'Aghhhhhh...yuck...boys make me sick to my stomach! '
(De dah.. de dah!)

I've got the little sister telltale tittle tattle blues!
I got the... little sister tetttale tittle tattle blues!

(A wearisome collapsing all fall down.. De dah.. de dah!)

SPOKEN: 'Come here sis, if you don't go yelling to Momma you can have all my Skittles and my broke kylie CD an' my little yella knickers that you like so much...an' I'll let you wear my new blue crop top! Yes?

...yes! '

'No....I'm a gonna tell...! '

'Mummieeeeeee! ! ! ! ! ! '

'Shhhhh! ! ! ! ! ! '