Lies Poem by Katherine Bryce
Lies
you told me you loved me
and I took the bait
because I had strong feelings
that were far from hate
you had me going
you made me fall
but I thought it was okay
as soon as I got your call
didn't you know
you meant the world to me
and as you laughed I relized
you were pretending twasn't meant to be
you've done your damage
so what else is there
you've already given me
more than I can bare
the worst part was
my friends warned me
but I didn't listen because
I thought it was meant to be
why would you do this
just to watch me fall
but I was only
your vodo doll
just one quick thing
when we walked the halls
and you didn't care
why did you answer my calls?
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/24/2024 12:44:17 PM # 1.0.0.1119
Interest power with short snappy line but why no punctuation. No pause. No pause for thought either. What a rush. I don't think the last verse is needed. The poem is wrapped up well with the penultimate verse so why add cream to the cream when more is not needed? For the whole poem I'd suggest a line by line critical edit. Change a word here and there for the ultimate meaning. If it looks too easy consider what is needed to make it better. Your first verse(your words) : you told me you loved me Try: ('You said you loved me. and I took the bait Fool: I took the bait. because I had strong feelings I had strong feeling. that were far from hate Never. Never, of hate) . Next step after edits is publication. Good luck on that. Best Wishes