Life Behind A Mask Poem by Jennifer Smith

The world is a very unforgiving place. Faces go by, day by day, and no one could ever recall one. People of different styles and character. There features tell a story of there past and of there future. But all people are volnerable, no matter how rough there exterior can seem. Everyone has a weekness and a strength. Each gift is fit to match you, even if you think it is usless, dont put it aside, it could one day save your life.
Nobody likes being judged, I for one can say that I dont. It is a way of saying i know you with out giving you a chance, and I dont approve. I am better then you.But is that true? are those who judge by phisiognomy truely better? In my opinion I dont think so. Judging people can only bring you one thing. Wheather you think so or not, it gives regret from the soal. That person you made an assumption of could have been a life partner or a best friend, and you would never even know it. Because you never took the time to even say 'Hello' or 'What is your name? '.
All of us are odd in a different way. And that is what makes you unique. Dont you want someone to some day say, 'I remember this person when I was younger, and i can say my life wouldn't be the same with out them.'? I know I would. To be able to say, ' hey! I changed this person's life for the better. 'Someone actually remembers all the fun times we spent together.'
But to me....that is only a dream. My life feels incomplete and misunderstood. I was so happy with some, but as we all know happiness can never last. My world soon took a spiraling downfall when I fell in love for the first time. I can say at times I was truely unhappy, but not regretful. Never. For I cant imagine my life with out him.
He was the reason my heart beat faster when I turned the corner and saw him standing there. The reason I fell so hard. The way I learned to love, and respect myself. He was always there. And in turn I was always there for him just as much. Problems came and went, causing tears to roll from my eyes with every thought of heart wretching words I had said to him. Then, of course, forgivness would flow out of me like rain out of a dark cloudy sky. And he would always forgive me. I loved those days so much.
Then summer came rolling by. My hearts desire came true at last. After waiting so long, I had found happiness once again. But the thoughts kept comming back, repeating patterns of another love. And after a heartfelt talk, my happiness went away. I was devistated, I had found I had ruined my chance at love. Was I right? maybe? For I still do not know. I am a loner and a weeper for those days.
Then summer went to pass, and school began. Once again that hurt had not subsided. The bleeding continued from the unrequainted love. Seeing them together hurt. But not as much as the thought of importance. Was I important at all? The tears I cryed after the songs that reminded me of my still on going feelings for him burned electric inside of me.
How I will get over it, I do not know? Maybe my dream will reawaken in another to shine a new path to darken my past. That hope still sits in a box next to my pillow, awaiting the day when I can follow and pursue my dreams as planned. And when that day comes, I will find internal happiness, the kind that can not be contained. The kind that hightens every sense. Making believability beleivable.
I couldnt see me getting this far. I am still not ahead, but not far behind. You have to go through hardships to see what is really important. And to appriciate what you already have. Struggles only weaken you when you let them. Everyone can do it. But only if you try. I am not saying it is easy, or that it will always happen right away, but, It makes you stronger, and gives you the will to go on.
As life goes on feeling begin to fade. And the photos of the past seem not so important as you thought they once were. And you begin to see things clearer and have a whole new aspect of life, and the world. It is real, all of it. And like the roll of the dice, the choices that you make, are fatal. All of it is important. But being in a comfortable zone is expected. Never change your life, for it is ment to be the way you are now. I have came in contact with concept that relate to this. And I let it happen to me, by my choice. I was unhappy and miserable, so I decided to become something I was not. And in turn, I can not remember the way I was before. Lost, and forgotten, everyone around me sees the change. I for one can not forgive myself for it.
You are the only one to blame for misfortune in your life. You may think at times it is because of some significant act of descresion that you end up this way. But it is truely your own doing, making bad decisions will affect you i can say for sure. Although, the way you can fix them is only in your hands. Without help, you are alone for then.
But a moment will come when you are aware of this factor, and you decide to do things right. Others on the one hand, will do nothing. Those are the ones who will be forgotten. As depressing as it sounds, it is true. And I for one, do not want to be forgotten. The way I see it, people who do not value there choices, dont value thereselves. And that is a shame, because if we werent ment to be here, and have a purpose, we wouldnt have been created and given different minds to think for ourselves.Thinking is a privelage that we usually take for granted. We dont think sometimes, and that gives off bad judgment. Scaring you for life. When you find yourself in a slump or a hole you just cant seem to dig your way out of, think. As yourself question, there is no shame in that. It doesnt make you crazy or awkward, it means that you value things more. And you are willing to change. Change can be good and bad. With the right guidence you will live in a harder position. But it will help you in the long run. Trust me. Giving up is never the answer. So make the change for yourself. Be the one to say, ' This is wronge, I am out! ' ' I am choosing my destiney.' 'I am taking control'. Make your last effect change by your new cause.
I do not beleive that some of us are born lucky and others arent. We are all just delt different cards. And it is what you do with those cards that matters.
I am not saying that we are all born into the world and raised up the same way. Wheather it be richer or poorer, It is the strong that will survive, not just the ones who were delt the better hand. Give to the less fortunate, becasue it is not always there fault they are brought into the world as so called 'low lifes.' They are just the way we are, human. And we all need help at one time or another.