Longing For Lonely Poem by Bianca J. Walker

Not much has changed since you’ve been gone.
I awake in the morning.
I sing my favorite songs.
I fall asleep at night with the bathroom light on.
Occasionally, when I awake, I notice that you are gone, and still….
I am not lonely.

I’ve turned this house into a home.
Alone.
Still…I am not lonely.

I want to go back to feeling empty,
when my life was over shadowed by expectations.
I want to go back to the days when I was longing.

For something…
For someone…
For anything…

Full is much too heavy.
Full is an immovable rock; a bolder in the pit of your stomach
that paralyzes you.
Full has no compromise.
I never knew that about success.

Who would’ve thought a life colorful would lack?
That my strengths are in shades of gray and black.
It’s ironic that when you live your life in the light,
you long for the dark. some sort of pain or spark,
to remind you that you’re human…

I miss the days when I was unaware of what I was doing,
When I still sustained a slight air of confusion.

Full is much to calculating.
Full is a contrived plan.
Full is being to heavy to dance.
Full is to lack spontaneity of chance.
Full is many faces who chant your name aloud.
Full is never being lost in the crowd.

Once again, I want to be ignored,
No more hands reaching.
No one seeking, or asking, or needing.
I want to be where there is no dependant upon me.

I find myself longing to be lonely.


2008 The Rape of the Virgin Mind: A journey in words & poetry.