Hadyn Rodriguez

Rookie (new Mexico / new mexico)

** Lost 4 Words ****** - Poem by Hadyn Rodriguez

The blood goes down my arm and i stare into the darkness. I burn the knife and put it up against my skin Its like i don't feel the pain anymore. My skin is on fire and it goes through my whole body. I see myself as damaged goods you may not see it but their are holes all on my stomach i see them everyday. I remember the glass i cut myself with & watched the blood ooze down and the rope i used too so i could sleep forever and not deal with life anymore. I've caused all this pain on myself and yet i don't know why. The drugs and booze took it away for a while but then i came back to reality and my life. I hate that i have these marks and scars on me and it was for nothing important just regrets and more regrets. I hate when people see my marks and scars i feel like thats all you see. I go and cry somewhere quietly and just wanna die. All i have caused for family and myself is pain and so much agony. I cry and scream asking myself why why do you do this, how can you live with the tears and hurt in my mother and grandma's eyes. How can i look them in the face with a straight face acting like the pain I've caused them doesn't bother me. I hate the person I've become and hate all the mistakes i did and didn't care that i could die or ruin my family forever. The life i lived was my heaven and my sanctuary. I didn't want my life to end so soon when i had a lifetime to live the life i wanted too. When i cut my wrists i could bleed to death and be done or keep doing drugs and get cancer or worse. It's hard but I'm getting their and changing slowly each day. I'm all silent and quite for how my life has changed and my past is in the past its shocking i never thought i could over come my bad habits and actually live life not freaking out Am I gonna Die today from a drug overdose or by my own Blood.

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, December 12, 2009

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