Love & Hunting Poem by David Welch

I was moving down an access trail
in my favorite Pennsylvania game land,
heading towards an open meadow,
near which I'd set up a tree stand.

Then came a rustling from some bushes thick,
a buck shot out at lightning speed,
I reached for my gun, but he was gone,
through dense forest the buck did flee.

I was stunned by this strange happening,
for a buck to have gotten so near
to a human walking in plain sight,
it should have been skittish, hiding in fear.

Then exploding from that same thick brush,
came a petite and seething form,
she fixed a pair or rabid eyes on me,
shook once with anger, and then she roared:

"You stupid fool! I had that awesome deer,
all lined up for the kill in my sights!
If it weren't for the sound of your footsteps,
I would have had that buck dead-to-rights! "

I instinctively bristled at her sharp tone,
snapped, "Forgive me for walking a public trail.
Maybe if you had a stand, weren't mucking 'round,
you would have seen more than that deer's trail."

She roared, "And maybe if you had half a brain,
you'd be able to pick out my ground blind!
Took me days to find their bedding space,
now all of that is just wasted time! "

I yelled, "If you really do have a blind there,
I would have to stay that I was impressed.
But I'm so damn mad I wouldn't say so,
even if it's camouflaged with the best! "

She screamed, "And I'm so pissed, I won't say ‘thank you, '
even though I worked for this so very hard.
How could I accept a compliment
from a fool who sends deer running far?

"And I certainly couldn't appreciate
That pristine rifle, that cowboy gun,
owned by some rookie who makes too much noise,
who scotches up my shot and hunt! "

I laughed. "And I clearly can't ogle at
the ancient bolt-action you've got there! "
She said, "And I would never tell a greenhorn
that my gramps once used it to hunt bear! "

"Thank God I despise you, "I declared,
"or I'd want to hear more of that! "
She roared, "I'd tell you of his safaris,
if you weren't so annoying and bad! "

Said I, "Thank heavens I don't have to hear
about such an adventurous tale.
Sure, the teller, may look hot in camo,
Bbt in truth, I think she's made of fail."

Cried she, "And I'd never think that a jerk
could appreciate a woman of the wild,
even one who's eyes are so clearly
lingering for a long, long while! "

I screamed, "And I couldn't tell such a twit,
that she'll have just as much luck tomorrow,
that my game cameras have been watching here,
and know this game path is by deer followed! "

She yelled, "And I wouldn't tell such a heel,
that I've been watching these woods all week!
And that he might find the bucks active
down by the shores of Anderson Creek! "

I roared, "Certainly I would never offer,
an obnoxious girl a place in my stand,
even if does have clear shooting lanes,
and a sweeping view of the game lands! "

"And I'd never follow such a tool,
even making offers so generous."
She said it as she gathered up her gear.
"To think I would go is just plain nuts! "

We walked out softly to my tree-stand,
perched up high on a towering oak,
she climbed up first, and despite my anger,
I could not help but to watch the girl go.

And though it was cramped up in that tree,
it gave us both a great view of the grounds,
and we eagerly scanned, seeking more deer…
at least we did when we weren't making out.

The very next day to her blind we went,
such a masterfully camouflaged tent,
we got no game, critters heard our cries,
and easily sniffed our ‘co-mingled' scent.

Now I know none of you think this is true,
that I must have made it all up, right?
But I swear to you, it happened this way,
that's the tale of how I first met my wife.