Lucidity Poem by Billy Loving

As on my porch I recline
Some solace, I do find
While the butterflies enchant
Memories they do supplant
Breeze on my neck, I feel
A place in time so ideal
From the book, I read
My mind, I continue to feed
I look at the world below
Wondering which direction my life will go
I hear the buzzing of the bee
As a bird lands in the tree
I feel the heat of the sun
The next page, I have begun
Seeds of knowledge, I sow
Down the river, the boat does go
As a squirrel runs through the yard
Slamming of the door, I disregard
As my eyes begin to close
Where my mind waders, no one knows
To a time long ago
To the life, I used to know
Peace and quiet of my mind
Where no troubles, I would find
No scars, I would show
No despair or sorrow, I would know
No memories that won't cease
No pain, it would increase
My private life, I hold so dear
Opening of the doors, my greatest fear
No place to hide
To make the anxiety subside
In a crowd, I'm alone
No friend, have I known
Anger it feeds
No thought of my needs
As I sit alone with myself
I rise and put my book back on the shelf
A place to relax, I don't know
As the years begin to show
No one to trust
A calamity, they don't adjust
Does this exist?
Is there something, I have missed
Just one big fantasy
I wonder why he's mad at me
Are they even there?
Should I even care?
Is my mind just out of control?
As to my chair, I stroll
My hands begin to sweat
As I continue to forget
A mind that runs so fast
How long will this feeling last?
A life lived in exile
A pleasure as simple as a smile
Sleep, a brief respite
A time, so finite
Am I insane or trapped within a dream?
Am I lucid, as crazy as that may seem?
Only the future will tell
As for now, to my pen, I bid farewell