Looking into your blue eyes
makes my heart do this stutter
and takes my breath away
especially when the shirt slowly comes up
I can't keep from looking at you,
lighting me up from the inside out.
Wearing black shirt with black shorts
had me watching myself for imaginary drool
(CONT.) LINE 5: 'KEEP', NOT 'KEEPING' (AN EASY MISTAKE, WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOTICED DURING PROOFREADING) , I PROOFREAD WHILE TYPING AND AFTER TYPING, & AFTER SUBMISSION TO PH.
I especially liked these lines: 'makes my heart do this stutter' AND 'lighting me up from the inside out.' AND 'had me watching myself for imaginary drool' (cont.)
(continued) I checked definitions (online) of 'drool', verb & noun, to be sure I 'had it right'. I was surprised by the second noun definition: 'drool 2 of 2 noun 1: saliva trickling from the mouth wipe the drool from his chin 2: NONSENSE'
With relatively few lines, I thought this poem did a very good job setting the scene and the mood of the speaker. I liked it. And it also leaves the Readers very free to 'fill in any blanks' as they choose to do.
p.s. Recently I've heard (from the PH grapevine) that some comments may not show up for DAYS! ! ! ; (
I came back to look for stars, after I just received your message about 'fixing it'. I still don't see stars, NOR DO I see any comment from me.; (
PLEASE...CHANGE 'KEEPING' TO 'KEEP'. bri : ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
P.S. WHO WAS WEARING A BLACK SHIRT [[AT LEAST AT FIRST]] AND BLACK SHORTS? ? WAS IT THE 'SPEAKER' OR THE 'SPOKEN-TO'?
Finally: Earlier I was vacillating (aka hesitating between choices) between 4 stars and 5 stars. I now give *****,5 stars, OR would if I saw any to give. I don't see any.; (bri ;)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
IT'S TAKING ME A WHILE TO DIGEST THIS POEM. NOW I'LL SPIT SOME (OF MY) THOUGHTS OUT. IF LATER I FEEL I HAVE MORE TO SAY, I'LL SURELY SPIT IT OUT! ! I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK 'DID LEIGH WANT FOR HER TITLE 'MEMORIZE? OR DID SHE, IN FACT, WANT 'MESMERIZED'? ' {{ I'LL TAKE EITHER}}. (CONT.)