Mixed Emotions Poem by Vanessa Kingsley

Everything that I have drained and used
Terrified of losing something I might’ve never had

Wishing that you would fight
That you would listen
If only, if only, if only… you would. You could.

Filling myself up with false emotions and truths
Just to get through the day
Just to make myself think it’ll be ok

Knowing full well it won’t; I break down
You never cared or wanted me
You say you hear me but you aren’t listening

To look in my eyes and see nothing…
How is it possible?
I am not being fair

I’m so tired
So confused
So helpless

You can’t be real
This can’t be real
Slowly, anxiously; I wait for it all to end

Waking up and finding it was a dream
A long painful dream
Maybe they’re all right

I guess I finally see
The resentment that I still hold on to
I don’t mean to

I don’t want to
But I can’t let go of anything
It’s confusing and hypocritical

None of it makes sense
To many missing puzzle pieces
To many emotions