Mobile Bay 1964 Poem by Barry Middleton
Mobile Bay 1964
It was not necessary
for the two of us to shout
above the roar of the boat's motor,
white foam behind us,
and black liquid night all around.
We were thankful for the
red and green lights on the buoys,
and far away
a line of yellow dots
encircled us
and put an edge to eternity.
When we jumped the wake
of an inbound freighter
our hearts dropped a beat.
Then we heard the dredges drumming
where men worked through the night
to let us know the world was alive.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/25/2024 6:24:05 AM # 1.0.0.1119
This is a picturesque poem. You did a nice job of evoking the universal sense of being on a boat with the details specific to a particular experience. You put me in there and you used a word I was told should NEVER exist in a poem...eternity. However, in this instance, I think it worked quite well...and to be honest, I never had an issue with that word myself. I just listened to a poem that was all about how she hated that word, so I was amused to see it here. Kidding aside, this is what I would call a 'pretty' poem as it evokes the setting so well, with choice words that have a beautiful flow. I also liked the action presented in the second to last stanza...sort of a jolt from the reverie of the words. Nicely done.
I agree Barry. Rules are made to be broken.
Thank you for the detailed comment. Eternity? When in a small boat in a huge bay at night, one is very happy to see those distant lights that put and edge to eternity. Aside from that, I use the word often. rules are made to be broken, April is the cruelest month for example. To paraphrase the Dali Lama, break the rules artfully.