James Darwin Smith II

Gold Star - 5,784 Points (10/6/74 / San Diego, CA)

More Endeavors, Free - Poem by James Darwin Smith II

Deep within a dark already closet space
Anxiety panics in a confused state
Looking for a door to open
So it could finally escape
But then what would happen?

Dreams and dreams of solidarity
Calmness of wishing a peaceful journey
One that goes further and further
An adventure with no end
Oh, what a dream bevy of a hoping grace

The plans are there
So many in fact
Too much hesitation
Feeling at home within
How is it that anxiety keeps winning?

Mind spinning out of control
Psychic attempts at feeling rejected
Thoughts warping into thoughts
As time starts moving faster than ever before

So much sleep
In dreams nothing ever hurts
A place so serene
Juking self into fictional paradise
Losing reality, muted world, Destination lost space

Dreams never last forever
When reality hits the hardest
Past not what it should have been
There was supposed to be so much more

Emotional battle within
Poker faced on the outside
No one will know this pain
Never wanting to burden anyone
Got to swallow it all away

Stomach sickly of fire
Flaming straight to this heart
So much emotional pain
Many years of this, Cannot take it anymore

Fighting in this closet space
Punching these walls harder and harder
Something has to give, has to give
Each punch will not be wasted
These walls, I will escape

One wall down
A gigantic room ahead
With a door miles high in glory

Do I knock on the door?
Or do I try to run on through?
This mind must project a keyhole
Then the key to this heart will be in its place

Looking back at the box
So comfortable it was
No matter what pains it caused
My anxiety did not panic as much

Thoughts on overdrive
Am I going back to that dark and lonely space?

Fighting the denial
There is no safety in doing nothing
Only the dangers of wasting myself away

An Angel forms, in front of the door
So beautiful, so bright
Smiling to me it’s safe to come in
All is going to be all right

Body feeling warm
Going through the door
Looking towards an image of me smiling
We connect as one

Found what I was looking for
But all is not happily ever after
There will be many dark realms tempting me
I am ready to conquer what pain may be in my way

Here I am
Working on my own anxiety
I shall roam beyond my own comfort zone
Never settling for limits
In this realm of a never ending dream fulfilled

Nightmares, I will combat it with artistic guile
Slay each Mental Demon within it
Putting Angels in this newly spirited realm
The entry that will eventually lead me into the light

In reality, Dreams never hurt
As long as I am always ready to fight

Anxiety still exists
But in the distance I can finally see the light

I use to choose the wrong directions
Yet, with a new map of these dreams
I am ready to start a new life
That was the past

Fast forward to the present
Things are still a bit bumpy
But things are much better in my life

More healthier and vibrant
My eyes are always blinded by the light
The light of my brand new life

Unpredictability, No more negative psychic notions

Fighting anxiety
Feeling stronger
Confidence growing
I can finally plan my ascent into the light

For now Heaven is just a metaphor
My arrival is my own soul’s delight

Earth is going to be my living heaven
Anxiety you are dimming, Love you are shining so bright

Deep within and out to a never ending place
My fiery worth of passion will finally ignite

I am here
Celebrating the rest of my living life

A long journey towards the next step
But what a giant step it will surely be

I take charge ascending highly towards my own destiny

My life is now looking out to the ocean
There is no final destination as far as I can see
A brand new life of battles and love achieved

In my life all I can be is be, Me, Inner freedom finally seized

I truly fully believe in myself, I believe in ME, Free

Topic(s) of this poem: anxiety, battle, depression, dreams, life

Form: Dramatic Monologue

Poet's Notes about The Poem

Written on 11/17/15

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, November 17, 2015

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