My Distorted Life Poem by Heather Kemper

My Distorted Life
I know you don't understand it
you can't see my point of view.
To you I am just tripping
doing what I always do.

You think I like to feel this
I like making your life hell.
That I am happy being nothing
it's what I do so well

I wish I could explain it
what my heart believes is true.
The feelings that take over
leave me scared of losing you.

I know I am unworthy
I don't deserve your love.
You should be with someone better
who for you would be enough.

I don't make you happy
I can't be what you desire.
So how can you still love me
when I'm cold where there should be fire?

I'm stiff and I am rigid
too locked up inside my head.
I am fat and gross and ugly
alone is what I dread.

Even if it's what I deserve
to forever be alone.
I should let you go to be happy
not stuck in this lacking home.

You say you don't see a reason
for me to feel this way.
That I don't see reality
like it is everyday.

You don't see
you don't believe it.
The distance that I feel
It hurts me every night.
That distance is very real.

It hurts me in my soul
that the closeness is now gone.
Most days I feel lost
back into the darkness again it's home.

To you it's the way I want us
this is what I've made.
You believe it's how I want things to be
and it doesn't matter
a little more everyday.

12/21/2006