My First Month In Pennsylvania Poem by Marilyn Stoecker

I keep looking for something
But I don’t know what it is
Trying to find anything
To fill the emptiness
Wishing I could go back
But I know I never will
This is my home now
Regardless of how I feel
I look at all the differences
And everything that’s the same
It’s still a small town
Just a different name
There are mountains all around me
Everywhere I go
But I’ll lock these feelings up inside
And never let them show
Pretending I’m alright every single day
When the only one who knows the truth
Is over a thousand miles away
I’m strong enough to not break down
But that’s all I want to do
You can look at me like that
But you don’t know what I’m going through
I know I’m not alone
But feels like it inside
Where everything is wrong
But I want it to be right
Now don’t tell me that I’m whining
Because you don’t even know
How everyday I’m fighting
Just to go with the flow
It’s a struggle to wake up
I’d rather stay in bed
But I have to do something
To get these thoughts out of my head
I’m not trying to be distant
I just don’t want to let anyone in
You’re all really great people
And I bet wonderful friends
I really miss the south
And I miss my friends too
It’s only been a month
So I’ll try to make it through
I’m not making any promises
Just know that I will try
I know that it will take some time
And eventually, I'll be fine