My Ode To Ryan Air Poem by Richard Burgess

Oh Ryanair, oh Ryanair!
About your service I despair!
At check-in time you're never there,
Excuse is always ‘In the air'!

When eventually we leave the ground,
Our personal baggage, strewn around.
The safety brief, it can't be heard,
Because you've sat me by a nerd!

Quickly I engage some tunes,
The ever-ready food cart looms!
Just once, don't hit me on the arm,
It flippin' hurts, forget the charm!

When eventually you get to me,
Avoiding those gone out to pee,
I reach my pocket for some change,
Then realise I'm out of range!

Oh! All I want is hot, black coffee,
Not beer, or wine or chocolate toffee!
‘Is that too much to ask'? I think,
Just deliver me a flaming drink! ! !

The hostess smiles, it's not enough,
The English language must be tough?
After what must seem like hours,
I give up, exhausted, dialogue showers.

The bloke next seat returns to post,
I hope for silence, he starts to boast,
About the bloody coffee stop,
And service he received from shop!

Squashed into my tight cocoon,
The lights go out, we plunge to gloom.
Through gritted teeth we hope for best,
But no, the landing hurts the chest!

Undercarriage it comes to rest,
I cannot move, I'm in a mess!
My book and iPod have all but scattered,
My faith in air transport has shattered!

Late of course, still sandwiched in,
I lever out and face the din,
Grumpy people, happy staff,
To work for you must be a laugh!

But not for me, I am afraid,
My love for you is all a fade,
Until next time, I wait in hope
Oh Ryanair, you are a joke!