My Prayer Of Desperation Poem by Jessica Thomas

Jesus, what is this turmoil?
Is it my karma for finally having it good?

Do I need more pain to acquire that much more?
I want to come out of this stress a better person.
What, Dear-Sweet Lord is this tumultuous lesson?

What should I have learned before but didn’t?
Please save me from my sinning ways.
I desire the life you have planned for me.
I see the program; I feel the ocean breeze.

Jesus, how do I get there? Where do I start?
Go to church, duh, but Sean won’t go—EXCUSE!
I am perpetually still asleep.
Too (not even an adjective for it) to get out of bed.
I feel I have nothing to live for, yet you have blessed me beyond belief.

I am overwhelmed with work and school, but they are miracles themselves!
I feel my relationship is doomed by addiction, but I have faith.
You will see our marriage through this tragedy.
Please help, my love, he needs your blessed guidance.

Show him to become alive in spirit, and while you’re at it, show me too.
This aching, nagging dread that keeps me from the world is killing me.
I need something more to live for.
I am unselfishly announcing—your kindness and blessings are undeserved.

I have done little to have what I have been given—yet I am still unhappy.
I hear Jesus speak—I need to help others, but whom?
Jesus, where do I start? Have I already begun?
Or, do I begin within my own soul?