New Kitchen Poem by Keith Shorrocks Johnson

The dahl has dripped on the icing -
Bloody fridge! Time for a new one
That has all its glass shelving
And doesn't ice up shaved ham
Like a beard outside Scott Base -
And the entire front has come off
The knives drawer so that it falls
On the floor if you are careless
And I had to fix up the pan drawer
With some second hand knobs
And put scotch tape on the floor
Of the food cupboard to mouse-proof it -
And that's only the half of it.

Not to worry, the order has gone in
For a state of the art Poggenpohl
That will be shipped from Germany
And have so many bells and whistles
It will be an all singing, all dancing
Kitchen that will knock the socks
Off my fellow forty-something
Yummy-mummies and be the bees knees
Of Island Bay and Berhampore.
The only problem now is finding
The wherewithal to pay for it:
But in the meantime, I can use it
To cook up a few mixed metaphors.