Newcastle For Sale Poem by Paul Reed

So ‘Big Mike' has put the club up for sale
Its goodbye from him to Geordies and Brown Ale
And they reckon he only wants 400 million
Not much when you've already got several billion;

But the hidden aspect that Ashley wants to ensconce
Is that he doesn't want paying for it all at once
No, if you fancy buying a chunk of Newcastle
Mike could save you an awful lot of hassle;

Because you needn't pay for it all ‘up front'
You just need a deposit to stay in the hunt
Then just pay Mike a bit at a time
Over the next 36 months would be just fine;

A bit like when you buy a second hand car
Perhaps you could trade-in Wolves or QPR
Then drive off the forecourt with a sleek new model
Buying Newcastle would just be a doddle;

However Mike does have other terms to make things cherry-ripe
You can't change the shorts or the colour of the stripes
But he'd be especially pleased, you might detect
If the new owner were to name them ‘Sports Direct';

So I'm off to the bank to ask for a loan
And I hope Mike Ashley won't start to moan
When I hand him a few quid, it'll just be a breeze
With the balance to follow over several centuries.