Nikki The Darker Sister Poem by Patti Masterman

I got to know you today, Nikki
Even though you've been dead for a while
I admit, I supposed you were just another
Spoiled rich kid, out wrecking
Your daddy's Porsche, to escape
From a stifling boredom;
Nothing ever happening fast enough for you
So at an hundred miles an hour, you died.

I saw your smiling before-photos
That made you appear lighthearted and playful
I think the shallow part was all mine-
First of all there were those dark eyes
Hauntingly Asian looking or something
And you seemed to have no favorite anything-

Movies, music..were you just drifting
Never really here even when you were still here?
I found out you were major depressive;
Inoperable brain tumor at eight years old
There were dire predictions; lack of impulse control
It all began to make sense, your close encounter
With the concrete toll booth, at high speed
Taking out both yourself and the Porsche.

You'd argued that day,
Had your own car keys taken away
You grabbed the Porsche keys where they hung on the wall
Your people started calling the emergency services
As if they had a premonition: you'd never handled a Porsche-
No one ever drove that one again.
There was your dad searching the highways
As police cars raced by him to your crash scene
Later he was haunted he hadn't kissed you goodbye at lunch.

In a thoughtless moment
You lost it all: hope, life, and future
Your parents lost a car that was replaceable
But their old life was gone forever
Cruel strangers thought it funny
To trick your family into viewing your death photos
You were an overnight internet sensation.

Thinking about it more, I knew your death was an accident
Though you had plenty of other problems
You must have realized early that some people are never meant
To stay around too long, and perhaps deep inside you knew
It was better to leave before grace left you
Who knew what burdens were weighing upon you?

I'm sorry you're dead; your life slammed shut
I'm sorry the world will never know you as a grown up
Sorry that you seemed born into disappointment
Looking at your photos now, I don't see
A wild, immature child challenging the rules
I see someone tired beyond her years
Trying to grow up without the necessary tools
And strange that the thing you loved most
Was the tool they tried to dismantle your family with.