No Pets Have I Poem by Denis Martindale

No pets have I. No dog, no cat,
No horse, pig, or llama!
No need for pets, or this or that,
As I'm not a farmer!
No mynah bird to shriek or squawk,
No parrot on a perch.
No swear words taught that each can talk,
Each time they get the urge!

No walkies every day and night,
No budgie's cage to clean.
No, way! I've had enough, all right?
And you know what I mean!
No collars and no ID chips
Tracking 'Frisky Fido'.
No dog to kiss me on the lips!
Saliva? No, no, no!

No metal cans I must open,
With doggie food's 'fake steak'.
No massive vet bills now and then!
No photographs to take!
No, I watch YouTube, where I see
Folks' pets both night and day.
No, I smile here, contentedly!
With no pet bills to pay!


Denis Martindale.8th of August 2026.


Here is a skinflint's guide poem by Poemhunter poet Denis Martindale. Some people know that they cannot afford to have a pet, while others can, and soon learn all the extra responsibilities pet owners can expect for years to come. The famous quote is that we should count the cost. Who knows just how much extra pet owners could pay?

The poem imitates the repeated use of the word 'No' in the famous poem November. It was discovered in a poetry textbook from the poet's school days so long ago.

The poem portrays Denis Martindale as a pensioner. He has already been a pet owner of dogs, cats, budgies, fish, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, tortoises and a squawking Mynah bird!

All he wants now is a peaceful life! And the chance to pay all the TERRIFYING bills that increase every few months here in the UK!