Not All There Poem by Dónall Dempsey

“You change over time! ”
she said.
“Yeah? ”
I said.

“You weren’t even present at your own birth! ”
she said.
“Are you listening? ”
she said.

“Uh? ”
I said.
“All the atoms that had been
you at the time
have long ago
been replaced
by a bunch of new ones
and that’s still going on! ”

“Uh uh! ”
I said.
“So that “you now”
Is not the “you then”! ”

I said nothing.
(I didn’t know what to say) .
“Now, if you at least
had a memory of it
(which I doubt you do)
then at least your mind
would have been present
at your birth.
but the story of your birth
is just...that.
Your mother’s memory of it
and what she told you of it! ”

“You don’t really remember
listening to Doris Day
singing: “Ce sera...cera! ” on the ward radio?
now...do you? ”

I had to admit...I...I...didn’t.
But my mother had told me so many times it seemed so real!
I was beginning to feel lost
beginning to fade rapidly away.

It was a bit too early in the morning
for this conversation.
“So...no molecules...no memory even! ”
She smirked.
“So...no you! ”

I bit my bottom lip.
“So...you see although you’re here
...you’re not all there! ”
Her white teeth
framed in flame red lipstick
were so real.

I could see her words
Begin to form before she said them.
“Well, what have you got
to say for your...self? ! ”
she smiled.

“Huh! ”
(I said not knowing what to say
in my defence)
and went on to top my
Egg

dipping the buttered soldiers
in it’s hot yellow yoke.
I felt like I had just popped out of
existence
so I went back to bed
and read.