Not In Here Poem by Sarah N. Williams

I'm not me right now, don't know who I am

could be that I'm feeling like life is a sham.

I can't find a light on the brightest of days,

at this time my mind is a blurry old daze.

I fumble and mumble and stutter through life,

and even the littlest things cut like a knife.

I'm hurting and lonely and can't seem to find

my way in the crazy world, I feel left behind.

I seemed to be doing so well for so long,

now everything keeps going horribly wrong.

I don't have a clue, can't remember a thing.

I haven't even found the happiness to sing.

For me music has been my soul's love,

but now I find no notes or words from above.

Grief is corrupting my life-weary soul

and I suddenly feel I am useless and old.

I just want to breathe and be me once more,

Keep seeing the exits where there aren't any doors.

So why do I feel like noone understands?

I feel like there's noone holding my hand.

My grip is slipping, I reach into the air

to grasp hold of someone, but noone is there.

Everyone has their own pain in this time,

so alone I will stand to face the challenge of mine.

Just remember when I'm goofy, or completely insane,

that it's not really me, just a face with a name.

Someday I'll return to being just me,

with my 'rolodex' brain and my heart light and free,

but until that day comes just give me some time.

Be patient with me and please try to be kind.

My hope for tomorrow is all that I've got,

but I'm still one of God's kids and he loves me a lot.