October Night Poem by Lisa Webster

this October night
innocent enough
both you and I wasting time alone
with not yet a companion
for life
yet our lives go on
both feeling empty
I can't fill your void
though it kills me that you're hurting
it would only hurt you more
if I tore myself away
in the future
I wish I had a gift for you
you've been so generous to me
for what reason -
I cannot explain
guilt and pain constantly churn
in the very depths of my heart
you must be so full of hope
I hate to crush your dreams
I know how you hang on everything
I do or say
looking for a signal
I don't want to hurt you
or be responsible
for your pain and lonliness
your feelings mean too much to me
mine don't matter at all
I do not dare utter them
I do not know what they are