Ode To A Friend - Free Association And Verbal Diarrhea Poem by Shame Provoked secrecy

Its like a piece of coarse fabric is being wrapped around my mouth and smothering my face, like its being pushed through my head and tugged out at the other side, scratching away at the soft folds of my insides like a fine etching. It never stops scratching. Scraping away my ability to keep everything locked up safe in my sick, twisted mind and instead it sucks out every tiny piece of hurt memory and my overrated idea of everything I have seemingly suffered. And so if its out there, exposed in the open, there is only one way to keep it from unwillingly spilling out of that hole in my face and to prevent me from downing people with my verbal incontinence. It’s a way of making everything I feel inside real, so I can feel the pain physically, it’s a constant reminder that I am everything I loath in a self pitying poor excuse of something that shouldn’t even be given the opportunity to take on the human form. That first streak of warmth tickles and plays with me, daring me to see how much further I will go, how deep, how fast, how much more red life can I get to come oozing out of me. It’s sick, it’s wrong but I know I’m not alone. Special people are born and die everyday and I thought I had found mine I thought that I would never be able to find someone who I could be more emotionally connected with, but like many times throughout my meaningless, insignificant existence I was wrong. There is someone who I feel understands every breath I inhale and every beat my pulse drums against the skin of my neck, they are my reason for being alive at the moment and I love them with more than my heart. I hurt so much when I watch them tearing them selves apart as I know I am helpless and any advice or comments I make are of no use as are most things I say or do. So all I can offer is this piece of paper and a few words written from something deep inside of me and if you believe that it is my soul speaking then it is.
So while you’re reading this with a straight face and I really hope u do, believe that if it’s possible to ever find something more than a best friend, then I believe I have, in you.