Our Mr Expert Poem by Francis Duggan

When some young men look at a young woman they look at her shape and size
Just like stock judge eyeing a heifer has she points to take a prize
Has she got the well curved figure that they often dream about
For if she doesn't meet their high standards they will quickly rule her out.

Has she got a well curved buttocks? not anything from their gaze escape
If her bum looks slightly fat they fault her they will say she's out of shape
Having said that our Mr Expert say she doesn't really look that bad
Shame about her fatty buttocks and overweight maybe a tad.

Our Mr Expert on young women says he know he knows it all
He doesn't like them lank and skinny standing over six foot tall
He doesn't like them plump or smallish he's the choosiest of men
She has got to be a beauty to get nine out of his ten.

If her breasts look big he fault her he doesn't give a second stare
And if her breasts look small he mention 'huge room for improvement there'
Yet he doesn't have a fiancee and none come knocking on his door
And young women see our Mr Expert as an overbearing bore.

If her legs and thighs look fleshy he just shake his head and say
I won't ask to get to know her she might suit you anyway
He sets himself a high standard he is hard to satisfy
And she would have to look quite lovely for our Mr Expert to rate her high.

When some young men look at a young woman they look at her shape and size
Just like stock judge eyeing a heifer has she points to take a prize?
But our Mr Expert on young women is the greatest judge of all
He faults them if they're tall and skinny and he faults them if they're plump and small.