Patrick Shoat Poem by Tony Phung

Once there was a man named Patrick Shoat, who possessed the libido of a teenage goat
He would sleep with a different woman everyday, but he soon found out there was gonna be hell to pay
Patrick had a wife named Emily, who was pretty as can be
But for all her beauty she could not secure his fidelity.
Patrick was lecherous, Patrick was bad
Patrick was trechurous, and many women he had
Patrick tried to keep his adultery a secret
Too bad for him the towns people leaked it
He should have remained loyal to his wife
Saddly his lust would cost him his life
So Emily waited for the night, when Patrick was alone
He was by the fire warming up, seated on the stone
She had planned this for months in the privacy of their home
So she said in her most delicate tone
"Dear, Why have there been rumors floating around?
I've heard awful things from the women in town."
He said through a smile, a lie without guile
"My love, they only want to make you jealous.
You have happiness which you relish,
And that is what they envy.
They only look at us and see what they can be."
So Emily said, "Oh, really? You filthy slimey trout!
I know what's going on.
You know what this is about.
Why have you been gone at night while the moon waxed and waned?
You've been lying and CHEATING!
Oh, lord, its time to bring the pain.
This is the last time you'll deceive me.
That'll be the last word you say.
Good-Bye my dear sweet Patrick, its time to pay."
In mortal terror and through the night did poor Patrick flee
And through it all close behind was crazed Emily
She took her axe to his back and gave a mighty WACK!
Blood squirted, flesh tore, and bones CRACKED!
She hacked and slashed, and slashed and hacked
With fearsome blows and chops
And when done, she cleaned it up
With only a bucket and a mop
So goes the tale of Patrick Shoat and his vengeful wife
Whose broken heart and lover's spite made her take his life
I warn ye all to stay true and never to break a heart
Because as we all know that ain't very smart.