Pills Where A Pain Can't Reach Poem by Buddy Bee Anthony

There seems to be
A wide assortment of pills, poltices, and remedies
to contain or to cure
every illness.
If only there could be a single pill to swallow
a secret potion, some magic elixir
to cure everything which ails us.
If such a miracle concoction exists,
it's probably illegal

In the same way sunken ships collect barnacles.,
I've collected
All manner of tinctures, sprays, and wonder drugs.
In fact, I began my medication taking career
in my early teens
taking sulfa-drugs
and oral steroids in an effort
to combat a crippling affliction
where every attack
drained my growing body of vital energy
by dehydrating and bleeding me to two thirds
of my prior body weight.
So, the 'specialists'
pumped me with fake steroidal energy.

According to the doctors,
there was no cause and no cure.
of which I was doomed to surgery,
and a hellish
painful, existence
Their medical term for this curse was
Acute, Chronic, Ulcerative Colitis.
As fortune would have it,
I finally, saw a med school intern at the college
clinic where I was attending night school classes.
When I arrived for my appointment,
I was writhing in pain.
I again explained to the
aspiring doctor, listing my symptoms
He said to me, 'he was going to prescribe
five hydro-cortisone enemas
to see if the campfire in my gut
would subside.
I would have jumped for joy
for an hour's relief.
I was instructed to squirt one
up my backside
before bedtime,
for five nights.
After the third night
of treatment,
Not only did my chronic, debilitating, symptoms vanish
they never returned.

Having been free now for years of this pain filled affliction,
I assumed doctors would be eager to know more
about my recovery..
but, when I've told them, they often act baffled
and change the subject,
roll their eyes like I am telling them tall tales.
I must be on some Gastro Enterologist's, hit list
having (bypassed)
pun intended,
colon, 'colostomy' surgery.
I am now, well into my sixties,
I admit to being a lab rat for
the medical/pharmacological establishment
I have more than a dim awareness
I'm not the only crash test dummy
saddled with long grocery lists
of apothecary remedies
spurious medications
and other questionably useful potions.

As many of you,
I've been bombarded with ads praising
the benefits of wearing cumbersome
facial snorkel masks
fitted onto those suffering from Sleep Apnea
I admit, I'm probably afflicted with Sleep Apnea
since
I've been told I snore, as well as
stop breathing, then gasp for
air, making unsettling nasal noises
and sometimes,
I even pedal
as if riding a bicycle, all while sound asleep
but I'm not going to get a prescription for
an exercise bicycle
positioned at the foot of my bed
to accommodate my 'Restless Leg Syndrome'.
They have medical terms for most every malady
real or imagined.
It's been suggested I lose weight
in an effort to deal with my
'high body fat index'
so as to bypass
'weight management counseling'
from my doctor.
I've tried shedding weight without drugs.
I swim for exercise
along with utilizing portion control
for the foods I must now
more carefully select
to eat in moderation.
I try not to eat after 9: 00pm
It appears I may have become
obsessed with my eating behavior
and have developed an 'eating disorder.'
My choices are: to find some elixer to help me better break down and digest my food like I did when I was 15 years old or
balloon up to over 300 pounds.
Apparently, I have acquired an eating disorder
and was referred to 'Over-Eaters Anonymous
in an effort to combat
my food related addiction
I could also ask for a diet pill prescription.
I haven't cracked the surface
of my daily medication intake
I have a pill, as needed, for rhinitis.
Another pill
for chest congestion.
and yet a third remedy
to alleviate miscellaneous
upper respiratory inflammation.
I take blood pressure medication
another for my narrowing prostate.
A cholesterol busting med
a mood stabilizer
plus a baby aspirin at bedtime
to thin my blood
If I stop taking these medications
I fear I'll get sicker and possibly die
not from the disorders I've been diagnosed with,
but from the withdrawal symptoms from stopping these medications.
I am currently taking part in a study
which gives me a secret medication
Who knows if they are the placebo or the real
study medication is beyond my scope.
I am to take four of these horse pills daily.
It's best I don't know if it's real or placebo.
My doctor has prescribed an inhaler, for asthma
and in case of chest pain, there's
nitroglycerin tablets
All this care given in an effort
to do me no harm,
and prolong my life.
Though it's questionable to what extent
They enhance
the quality of it. The the story line
This is the narrative I must believe
In the event I can't fall asleep
you nailed it,
there's a sedating
tranquilizer capsule, available for me,
to put my lights out completely.
I've begun buying bottled spring water
since, our tap water.
has acquired an unpleasant, , caustic,
after taste.
I wonder, is there's some pill
on the market to transform
bitter, treated, tap water
into pure, sweet, water.
I'm sure there is a pill available
to do just that.

All publishing editing and copyrights reserved as is by this author.

Buddy Bee Anthony
Re-edited 12/04/2023 @11: 09 AM Pacific Standard Time.