Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Poverty Comments

Rating: 4.2

Its so complicated
Ever since i was born
Everybody lives to fight against
Just to hope one day we win
...
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COMMENTS

Grammatical errors apart, a very powerful poem. Without using the word even once in the poem, the gravity of the issue is captured strikingly. Congratulations on POD

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Bri Edwards 18 August 2023

(cont.) Instead of 'It doesn't', I'd type 'One doesn't' or 'They don't'. It would help some readers if you used periods at times, and did NOT use a CAPITAL letter to start each line. : ) Good try. Welcome 'new poet' to PH.

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Bri Edwards 18 August 2023

(continued) 'Its' needs an apostrophe to make 'it is'. as does 'dont' to make 'do not'. I would delete the comma after 'pain'. (cont.)

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Bri Edwards 18 August 2023

(cont.) This one, Poverty, has shown up, but it has some problems, as did the beginning of at least one of the other two [i could just read their beginnings]. (cont.)

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Bri Edwards 18 August 2023

When I clicked on 'read poem' for your other two poems, their texts did NOT show up for me to read.; ( (cont.)

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